Sometime in 2015, a very close friend of mine called it quits with her boyfriend. They had been together for over three years but the relationship wasn’t just working out. They kept on having quarrels, especially over trivial issues. Eventually when the relationship ended, she was devastated and heartbroken.
The next month, she had a new guy. I was really surprised because I wasn’t expecting her to move on so fast. Three months into the relationship, the guy called it quits again. To say she was hurt is putting it mildly. It was at that point I had to call her and let her understand that she needs a break from relationships.
The truth is that after you and your partner split up, you will most likely be feeling many different emotions. Most of them probably won’t be happy ones. A heartbreak is like no other pain. Some often say they truly feel their heart hurting. You might have some horrible, no good days, and then you might have moments of joy and feelings of freedom that you haven’t experienced in a while. You feel like you’re boiling over with all different thoughts and the last thing you’re thinking of is dating after a breakup. Having to start all over with another person who can potentially make you feel this horrible heartbreak feeling again? You’re probably thinking, “No thank you.”
Dating is hard as it is, and dating after a heartbreak probably seems nearly impossible. That is why it’s important to do a couple things prior to getting out in the dating world again. You’ll want to be sure you’re ready and capable of giving and receiving love. Use some of these tips for dating after a broken heart.
After you and your partner split, give yourself some much needed time before you move into another relationship. Even though it isn’t easy, it’s crucial that you allow yourself to grieve the previous broken partnership. You need time to heal your wounds, instead of just covering them up with someone new.
You are going to want to start fresh when dating a new person. Therefore, you will want to have a fresh start. You might want to throw away your ex’s memories or put them in a box far away in your closet. Maybe you don’t need to have that old shirt of your boyfriend’s anymore. Or maybe that poster your girlfriend gave you that’s hanging up is brining you some major negative energy. Make sure your environment is fresh and ready to start new. If you clean up around you, it will create more space for a potential partner.
The worst thing is jumping into a relationship and feeling like you missed out on those single moments. Being single isn’t a time of unhappiness and loneliness. Instead, it’s actually a whole lot of fun. You need to get that single girl or guy time out of your system before you head into a partnership.
Usually after a breakup, we tend to have some unresolved issues. It could be that you now have a hard time trusting others because you were cheated on. Or, it could be that you’re afraid to open up again in fear of being hurt. Whatever it may be, you need to understand that each relationship is different. You can’t carry your past relationship issues onto a future relationship. Keep the ex-baggage where it’s meant to be — in the past.
When headed into the world of dating, it’s important to learn how to trust again. Most people feel slighted or hurt after a relationship ends. It’s quite common for us to be weary of others and not fully open to trusting another. But, if you don’t open yourself up and trust a potential match, the relationship will go nowhere. Without trust, your putting a dead end on a future partnership.
I know it’s hard when going from one relationship to another, but try to not compare the two partners. It’s normal to make sense of your partnership by drawing comparisons — that part is fine. However, the part I’m talking about, is you comparing your ex out loud to your future boyfriend or girlfriend. When you’re dating, be sure to keep the remarks about your ex to a minimum. No one likes to be compared, especially not on a date.
The best thing about leaving a relationship is that you leave with a world full of knowledge. You know yourself better. You understand what it is you want in a significant other and what’s important for you in a partnership. You’re especially aware of the qualities you don’t want in a future partner. Take this wealth of knowledge and use it when getting back in the dating game. It will sure be a great advantage for you.
After a rough breakup people, “I will never fall in love with anybody ever again,” or “I will never find another person.” Even though at times you may be feeling this, it’s vital to not let one past relationship take power over your entire future of love. What’s truly courageous is to love again even if you’ve been hurt previously. It shows strength to be vulnerable and to be open.