There’s something that is spoken of far too often nowadays in the wedding bells department – “my fiance doesn’t care about the wedding planning”, “he won’t help at all with the wedding”, “it’s like he doesn’t care about our wedding day”, “he refuses to make an effort in what’s supposed to be OUR day.”
No offense, but that’s like your fiance saying to you, “my fiance doesn’t care about building this dream car with me.” While building a car and planning a wedding are widely two different things – they both require a lot of money, time put forth, and contain the feud of limitless choices and options, mistakes and poor judgement, important decisions to make, and the stress of making sure it runs perfectly. And building a car might be his lifelong dream, and the perfect wedding being yours.
Now that I’ve just compared a wedding to a car – let’s talk about why your fiance isn’t wanting to be involved. There are far too many reasons – let’s be real. First off: what percentage of the male population actually has a vision of their wedding day before even getting engaged? Probably less than 1%, if you consider as you think back through your relationship the number of times your fiance has ever brought up the words ‘my wedding’. It’s just not a man’s world. The decorations, the cake, the dress, the guest list, the timeline, the flowers, all of it. well, I guess I should say – not every man. [Don’t want to offend anybody, here!]
But let me get something out in the open: There are 4 types of guys, as far as the lack of involvement in wedding planning:
The “Laissez Faire” – this is basically the guy who would marry you in a landfill and officiated by a clown, because he knows he is marrying you and that’s all that matters.
The “Beat-Down” – this is the guy who attempts to help, voices his opinions when asked of, and continually gets shot down because it’s against what his fiance truly wants. In the end, this guy realizes in the big scheme of things his help is not worth starting a fight over and caves into letting you get what you want without confrontation.
The “Too Cool For School” – this is the guy who says he doesn’t care (when asked of his opinion, or constantly paints the picture of the wedding as a complete joke), then later down the road becomes disappointed when the decision made isn’t what he hoped.
The “Space Cadet” – this is the guy who doesn’t understand the wedding hype. The reasoning to spend #150,000 on a 4-tier cake from a top notch baker than getting a local baker to just bake a cake for #50,000. This is the ‘cake is cake’ guy, pushed to the side in the never-ending losing battle of wedding non-sense. So, he avoids voicing an opinion to save himself from starting an argument. Needless to say, he’s being practical, but not as initiative in creativity wallet wise. Lo and behold, while he may not ‘care for’ the wedding planning as much as you, there are still ways to get him interested and keep him excited for the big day. The important factor to remember is that this day is about the both of you. Not just you, and not just your fiance.
It can be difficult to get your fiance on board with the help in wedding planning.. Though it isn’t very common, part of it has a lot to do with communication and compromise on both sides. While it is acceptable that women tend to grow up having a vision of their dream wedding day – a lot of that solely depends on having both partners sharing the same dream and compassion for one’s happiness in their joining lives together.