Wisdom from Nana

While we were growing up, our grandparents especially our Grandmothers fondly called Nana, played significant roles in our moral and cultural upbringing. We may not necessarily like their ways, wisdom and teachings but they are still critical integral part of our lives till today. There are also cases of people who may have been brought up by their grandmothers or aunties for various reasons. Our grannies are full of experience, knowledge, wisdom, strong cultural and moral background.

Wisdom from Nana is our debut forum were Nana will share direct, deep incisive wisdom and teachings on raising good children that will bring pride and joy to parents. The prayer of every parent is that there children will be better and achieve much more than them.  Children that will take good care of their parents when they are old and retired.

In this week, Nana will examine the habits parents need to work on urgently

Managing and coping with Mothers – In – law

What every newly married wife must know and practice

Marriage relationship is a place of learning which indicates you don’t know it all but keep learning every day. Sometimes at the beginning (1- 3 years) of a marriage, couples find it complex and overwhelming as both are adapting to each other.

This is the time for both couples to be strong and patient with each other, it will be getting better gradually as the years roll up. If they are not, this is where divorce and separation thoughts can come up.

One of the important people for any married couple is the influence of the mother in law especially for the wife.

A wife must treat her mother ln law like her own mother in every way. The mother in law is one that every wife must have a good relationship with in order for you to have a peaceful marriage.

Here are some tips to help you build and maintain a fabulous relationship with your mother in law:

  • Take time to see your mother in law regularly if possible every month. If unable to see her because of distance, ensure you call her regularly to inquire about her health and any other important issues every weekend is good.
  • You don’t have to go with your husband to visit but let your spouse know your plans.
  • Write down the 5 most important things she cherishes in her life that will help you to know her better
  • Know and always remember her birthday, anniversary and any important date to her so that you are aware and act accordingly
  • Ensure your children or kids spend time with her and know her very well
  • Ask her for advice especially as regards the kids upbringing and be opened always.
  • Don’t discuss what you will not discuss with your own mother. If you are not comfortable to the extent then you don’t need to
  • Shower her with gifts and her family members who matter to her,
  • Avoid anything that will bring up rift or confrontation between you and your mother in law
  • Don’t overdo while neglecting your own mother, your mother in law is your second mother
  • If there are issues with your mother in law already, pray to God and seek advice from your mother, husband or his siblings
  • Prayers, constant and open communication, patience, perseverance, tolerance, slow to speak, slow to react.
  • Listening to understand and accommodate other persons view, culture, values and lifestyle which may not necessarily be right but with time and better understanding, correction with love will achieve the desired results.

 

  • Treat your in laws with respect irrespective of their age and status, be open minded, extra patient.

 

  • Love unconditionally and give more than you will give your own until all the parties are comfortable with one another. Thereafter, a twist for balance.

 

  • Sincerity is key, be truthful without being confrontational
  • Avoid double standards. Be pleasant and truthful to yourself and your in laws.

 

  • Be participatory in their family activities especially what matters to them.

 

  • Do not be intimated by their status, influence or wealth.

 

  • Be yourself.
  • On the contrary, do not appear Superior to your in laws irrespective of your status in the society in terms of influence and wealth.
  • Be humble.

 

  • Avoid Family Politics. Do not get involved or take sides. Eventually, it will Passover and you will be the Victim.
  • Be at Peace with all Men says the Lord and Smile

 

  • Don’t start what you can finish in terms of gifts, visiting sand calls but be fair and reasonable.
  • Don’t overstretch yourself but do the needful to show that you love and care

 

  • Law of CAMA : what goes round comes back….remember someday, you will be the in law; outlaw. It’s only a matter of time, the young shall grow.

 

  • Remember, every mother loves their child, so you must learn to accommodate and not compete with your mother in law and/or any other members of your husband’s family.

 

  • Avoid putting your husband in a position of making a choice between yourself and his family.

 

  • Also ensure you build the relationship between your family and your husband as well.

 

  • He should also love and care for his in laws (your family) .Otherwise, you will react. It has to be reciprocal although more is expected from the wife.

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